Lemons & Straws

You go to a restaurant, they may bring you water without asking. That's a sign of a classy place. It's complimentary water; it's free; it's part of the service. That's all good. But let's talk about the extra requests...

The Lemon - 1

First and foremost, don't ask for "lemon-water" - just don't. That's not a thing. You're squeezing lemon juice from a wedge into your H20; that does not make it a drink called lemonwater. And servers kinda hate it. Ask for water WITH lemon, fine. But, if you want a ton of lemon and you're going to drink your water like a friggin' fish, take that into consideration when you're tipping - for Pete's sake! It's not adding to the total of your check, but it sure as hell is adding to the stress of your server's job.

The Lemon - 2

Don't ask for citrus with your Diet Coke just to make yourself feel fancy! If you're going to ask for DC with lemon, you better squeeze the shit out of that lemon wedge! I better not see it sitting on the edge of your glass looking cute when I bring your entree. If I do, you will NOT get a wedge with your refill, that's for damn sure! Citrus is expensive and often in short supply, you greedy little bastard. Oh, and FYI, probably like four people have touched that with their bare hands before it got to your drink anyway. And, honestly, do you really think we have time to wash our hands, all the time, as much as we should. If we did, the guests would just complain that it's taking too long to get service. So, take your pick. Super sanitary hands or fast enough service. You really can't have both. Sorry. Just keepin' it real.

The Straw

For every beverage, really? C'mon, give us a break. I don't know, maybe I'm just having a bad week right now with excessive requests for straws, but just drink out of the damn glass, k. And our straws aren't even wrapped, so if I were you, you may just want to rethink the straw.