Tips About Tipping

Servers work for tips. Period. Our hourly wage is not enough for a monkey to live off of, n'kay. Know it, embrace it, respect it - or stay the hell home and make yourself some mac n' cheese! Don't use our services and leave us 10%. We work hard for the money. And, in the state of Utah, servers get paid only $2.13 an hour.



Proof found here:


-----------> http://www.dol.gov/esa/programs/whd/state/tipped.htm#Utah



So, please, don't come sit at my table for three friggin' hours, modify the shit out of an entree, ask for lemon with your Diet Coke (and not even use it), give me a coupon and then tip me 15% on the adjusted bill.




Also, even if you are a good tipper, say 20-25%, patrons need to take into consideration all things while being served in a restaurant. Don't just look at your bill and add 20% no matter what. If you were a royal pain in the ass; or you have five kids that made a huge mess - add a few bucks!




Another thing that most normal people don't think of, unless they've either been a server or have personally known a server. (And this is always super nice to hear from a guest when they say, "I know we've been sitting here for awhile so we gave you a little extra" - or something along those lines.) If you take up a table for an extraordinary amount of time; you best be throwin' down! That server is losing money, especially on a weekend night. You better be paying some "rent", yo!


Free junk, extra sides of shit that we don't charge you for that require multiple trips all over the damn restaurant. Talking nice to your kids (we don't have to). Keeping your water refilled, especially when that's all you're drinking (it's free - remember). Bringing an extra plate so you can share your entree with your honey bunny. Putting a candle in your free ice cream and searching high and low for a source to light it cause I don't carry anything on me; just so I can make your child's birthday a lil' more special. All these things, just consider them. We're counting on YOU, not the $2.13 an hour, minus taxes.

The Underground World of "serving"

Server. Waiter. Waitress. Whatever you want to call us. The PC term these days is Server. I happen to be a female one, so I titled my blog "Diary of a Waitress". Personally, I think a broader scope of people can relate to this term. Server is sort of hokey and generic, in a sense. Frankly, I kind of like the old-fashioned ring that the word Waitress has. Not to mention that it's the title of a quite popular movie, which I rather enjoyed; and the title of a song by one of my favorite musicians, Tori Amos. So, despite the world's efforts to degender every word that makes a specific reference to male or female...some continue to keep fighting their way back to top.

Now, I'm not what I would consider a "professional" waitress. It is not my only skill. It is not my only source of income. And I have only been doing it for about four years. But in these years, I have had experiences beyond my wildest imagination. I have been exposed to the most ridiculous behaviors of the general public; and the most absurd expectations and requests. I have also learned that restaurants bring together the most diverse and dysfunctional variety of folks under one employment.

A topic that requires its own special blog? Oh yes. It may take a while to write four years worth of stories, but they will come... enjoy.

Lemons & Straws

You go to a restaurant, they may bring you water without asking. That's a sign of a classy place. It's complimentary water; it's free; it's part of the service. That's all good. But let's talk about the extra requests...

The Lemon - 1

First and foremost, don't ask for "lemon-water" - just don't. That's not a thing. You're squeezing lemon juice from a wedge into your H20; that does not make it a drink called lemonwater. And servers kinda hate it. Ask for water WITH lemon, fine. But, if you want a ton of lemon and you're going to drink your water like a friggin' fish, take that into consideration when you're tipping - for Pete's sake! It's not adding to the total of your check, but it sure as hell is adding to the stress of your server's job.

The Lemon - 2

Don't ask for citrus with your Diet Coke just to make yourself feel fancy! If you're going to ask for DC with lemon, you better squeeze the shit out of that lemon wedge! I better not see it sitting on the edge of your glass looking cute when I bring your entree. If I do, you will NOT get a wedge with your refill, that's for damn sure! Citrus is expensive and often in short supply, you greedy little bastard. Oh, and FYI, probably like four people have touched that with their bare hands before it got to your drink anyway. And, honestly, do you really think we have time to wash our hands, all the time, as much as we should. If we did, the guests would just complain that it's taking too long to get service. So, take your pick. Super sanitary hands or fast enough service. You really can't have both. Sorry. Just keepin' it real.

The Straw

For every beverage, really? C'mon, give us a break. I don't know, maybe I'm just having a bad week right now with excessive requests for straws, but just drink out of the damn glass, k. And our straws aren't even wrapped, so if I were you, you may just want to rethink the straw.